Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
