Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
