1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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