I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
