I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
