Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
