So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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