maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
