his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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