that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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