oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
