Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
