Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
