I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
