New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
