well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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