It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize