she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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