looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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