while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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