I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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