It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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