How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
