she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize