Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
