Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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