And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
