how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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