chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
