Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
