Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize