I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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