and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
