i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize