he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize