Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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