he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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