You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
