JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
