"it" just moved
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
