69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
