Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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