i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize