She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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