I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
