when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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