The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
