He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
