Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize