Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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