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you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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