Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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