I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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