I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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