Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
