i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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