he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
