Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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