Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
