dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
