There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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