The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
