My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
