his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
