Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
