Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize