2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if only i could text you this smell
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
