You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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