Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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