I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize