He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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