I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I supernannyed him into submission
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
