the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
