I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
