I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
