woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
