So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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