Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
