I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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