i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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