This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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