I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
