so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
