your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
