Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
