broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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