i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
