can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
