just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
