Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
