Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
