Your tits are I can't wait for
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
