You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
my liver is dry heaving
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize