Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
