I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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