I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Help. Why am I so naked?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
