Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
