Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
