College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
